Ericksonian Principles

When Confusion Is Good

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Falling Twins 2

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Sometimes it is good to be confused about something we don’t understand. Confusion is our way of letting go of old ideas and forced to better understand new ideas. We can hold on to old ideas for dear life because of the familiarity and comfort that it brings. Without learning new ideas progress can’t be made. The good news is that we’re born to learn. Some of us are more willing to learn new ideas while other aren’t willing to. The state of confusion can lead us to a better understanding of new ideas. When the mind catches hold of a new idea, it can do wonders.

 

 

On Being Assertive

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Menu

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Sometimes, we have to be assertive even when we don’t want to. Some of us don’t have a problem being assertive while some of us do.  Being assertive doesn’t mean to be overly aggressive. Being assertive is about setting boundaries and expressing how we feel without hiding and asking for what you want and need. It is like going to a restaurant and the waiter take us to a table and give us a menu.  We read over the menu and decide what we want to eat then the waiter takes our orders. Just like life we have to look at the menu of life and decide what we want in life and then work on it to make things happen and enjoy the tasty satisfaction of life.

 

Either Way, A Struggle Is Inevitable

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Dave Watson at Struggle for Survival, London 2012

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We might as well struggle for the good that can help others, rather than to struggle without a purpose or meaning to our lives. Either way, we will have some struggles. But with struggles come the benefit of getting stronger and hopefully wiser through the experiences of struggling.  The learnings we learn from our struggles can be passed down to our offspring or students who want to learn about life so they can avoid some of the unnecessary struggles. The most we can do with the unnecessary struggles is to learn from them and to move on with our lives without dwelling on what is now behind us. Our experience are really our guideposts to where we what to go now, today.

 

No One Can Stop You, But You

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Stupid photo
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The only people who can stop us from success in life are ourselves. The only people who can help us to success in life are ourselves. We can choose to be our own worse enemy, or our greatest supporter. Sometimes, we got to lay things down on the table and look objectively at what’s on our plate. And we need to use all the resources at our disposal; the tools we need to help us to accomplish our goals.  Learning is always a part of the process of getting to where we want to go.  Learning is like engine oil; it keeps the engine running smoothly so we can travel to interesting places of life.

 

Learning From Our Strengths and Weaknesses

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Push Ups 2

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Yes, it is okay to focus on building our strengths, as it is okay to recognize our weaknesses. Our weaknesses can play a role on how we deal with situation in our lives. For us to be strong we must first admit our weaknesses. Our weaknesses can keep us from focusing on our strengths. Really, our strengths are what guides us through life and our weaknesses are what tell us about our limitations. Our strengths are the opposite of our weaknesses. For example, one character trait is being “hopeful” and its opposite is “uncertainty”.  If we admit that we feel uncertainty about something, then we can better deal with it in a hopeful way.

 

What Is The Secret Of Life?

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Life

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“The secret of life is that there is no secret of life.” ˜David Viscott

There are no shortcuts to a better or easier life. We still have to do the hard work to succeed in life. We have to decide if it is worth the time and effort doing the work that requires of us to succeed in our lives. Whatever we do in life, there are always sacrifices. We have to decide, if it is worth the sacrifices. Each one of us wants a meaningful and fulfilled life. To find more meaning in our lives we must find our purpose in this life we live. What is it that we always wanted to do but never got around pursuing, because we somehow lost of way? We can rekindle those dreams we had and make them real in our lives with courage in our hearts.

 

Our Well Being

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Black-capped Chickadee in flight 04-22-2013 148
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We don’t have to stay in a situation that’s causing stress. We can either change our perspective on it and accept it or, if it is possible, just leave the situation. We still can make choices to take part in something else that are conducive to our well-being. Life is just too short to worry over things that won’t matter in a year from now. We can create a world that is positive to support personal growth so that we can get through the difficult times that are inevitable in our lives and celebrate each day of our lives.

 

Crisis

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Ambulance

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Sometimes a crisis can be overwhelming. It is a good idea to step back and see if the situation is a real crisis, because we sometimes make things bigger than they are normally. If a crisis is a life and death situation that needs immediate care, then it makes sense to call 911. If something needs a repair around the house or getting a flat tire while driving home from work and no one is not in any immediate danger, then that’s not a crisis. Thinking ahead can be useful like coming up with different ways to keep the situation minimal like having emergency money just in case we need it or telling our neighbors to watch the house and to call us if there is an emergency while on vacation.  These are some useful ways to minimize the situation and to decrease stress.

 

Start With The Skills We Already Have

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Skills_047
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We already have the skills that we can use to start doing what we want to accomplish. We will continue to use those skills until our goal is accomplished. We don’t really have a real excuse not to start something new since we already have skills to begin the project. So we don’t have to delay progress because we have trepidations. We have no reason not to start since we already have the skills to start. So the skills and information we need, we can learn through experiences, and trial and error for us to continue making progress.

Take Change Slowly

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A Snail's Pace
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Sometimes we want to rush things to make changes happen in our lives. We can’t rush change. Change has to be gradual, however, we can’t wait for change to occur. We  have to start the process. The change we make will affect others around us. This may mean pulling away from others and getting closer to others who are making similar changes as well. Change is always difficult that’s why many of us avoid it until we’re forced to make a decision. We all want to stay in our comfort zone but we also want some excitement in our lives. We can make a change but we can do so slowly.

Confidence Building

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Jan's Land 30-5-2011
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It’s all right to start out small. For us to gain a feeling of confidence, we must start accomplishing small things first. The small things that are not as threatening like things that we know we can do. Confident building is important when it comes to accomplishing a task. We can remind ourselves that we have made many accomplishments already. We can draw from those past accomplishments the skills that we have acquired and transfer them to the new tasks that we’re learning.

 

Saying Goodbye To Our Past

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behind the stark shapes of trees

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“Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on.” ― Eckhart Tolle

When we let go of our past stuff, we regain our strength. We have more energy now to deal with the now. We have a clearer picture on how things are today. We can make better decisions. Letting go of the past can support mental health as well as physical health. Insomnia is the act of holding on to the past as well. Thinking about past things can keep us awake at night when we need a good night sleep. It’s all right to say good-bye to the things of the past that’s pulling against us. Letting go of the past can free us from unnecessary sorrows but can also give us a peace of mind— a quieter mind.

 

When Our Power Weakens

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The Power of a Symbol
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Each one of us has power. Some of us have learned how to wield our power while others haven’t and some of us unfortunately have constantly given away our power.  This is a mistake to just give our power away. We need our power to take control over our own lives. We need our power to vote. We need our power to take initiative. We need our power to go to work everyday and to pay our bills. As citizens we have the power to be accountable to ourselves and to be responsible for our well being. So we don’t have to feel weak when our power weakens, because our power weakens, doesn’t mean we’re without power. Let us stay empowered.

 

Learning About Learning

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Learning how to make a sushi...
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Everyday we have an opportunity to learn something about ourselves and about life. Learning can be a form of entertainment. When we’re experiencing an impasse, we can approach the situation as something we can learn from.  We don’t have to find a solution to get out of the situation. Instead , we can learn to find another way of dealing with the situation. Learning is about gaining experiences and knowledge about us, about life and about the world.  Learning widens our scope so we can see beyond what we already know and for us to have the opportunity to have a variety of options and not feel that we don’t.

 

Happiness Is Within

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here's that bit I was looking for
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As soon as we wish to be happier, we are no longer happy. ~ Walter Landon

We don’t have to look for happiness because it comes from within. Happiness is a state. We experiences different states throughout our day. And happiness is one of them. We need to experience other states for us to appreciate the state of happiness.  We as humans place values or importance on things that makes us happy.  A farmer is happy when he’s mowing a lawn.  A math teacher is happy when a student begins to understand a math problem.  A runner is happy when she hits a milestone. So there are different kinds of things that can make a person happy.

 

Finding Our Gift

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Robot Operators Refine Robotic Refueling Mission Procedures
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Everyone has a gift. Since each of us is unique, our gifts are expressed in a unique way. It’s all right to admire someone else’s gift. It’s also all right to allow others to admire our gifts. The purpose of our gifts is to be a contributor to the world. Some of our gifts are in the latent stages of development. They haven’t been fully developed. For a gift to reach maturity, the climate has to be right. A mentor can create an atmosphere for us to express our gifts in a safe place. Using our gift can give us a purpose and meaning in our lives.

 

Hasty Generalizations Are Lies

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Thoughts
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If we keep telling ourselves that we can’t do something because of our background, then it will continue to be true. We don’t have to believe in the self-defeating thoughts that keep us from doing what we want or wish to do.  Most of those thoughts are hasty generalizations. Just because we fail at one thing doesn’t mean we are a failure at everything. Hasty generalizations are just lies that needs to be challenged when we’re confronted by them.  We got to challenge our generalizations and be realistic about ourselves on what we can do. We should always put our best foot forward first before we make an opinion about what we can’t do.

 

Learning From Others

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Partner's hobbie

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We can learn from others. If we listen closely to someone, we will learn something about ourselves and about that person. We can learn things from all kinds of people. We can learn from books but to really understand life, learning from others and their interest can really be an education. And we always love it when someone shows interest in what we’re doing. In that same way, if we give that person our undivided attention, you will have a friendship for life. The benefit of listening to someone else is that our lives will be enriched as well.

Strength In Will

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Serving
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“Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.” ˜ Mahatma Gandhi

In other words Gandhi is saying that our will is greater than our physical capacity. We have heard stories about extraordinary feats of survival that seems impossible. Our will is a desire combined with determination. If we determine to do something, in spite of obstacles we will do it. Through our determination we will see to it that the mission is completed. When we fall, with determination we will get back up.

 

Invest In Time

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TIME FLIES.....................*

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Time is all we have. While we have time, we should use it effectively and wisely. When we’re with family and friends, time is well spent. Invest in time now so we can see the fruit of our labor tomorrow. Time is our opportunity to work on things today while we hope that more time will be available tomorrow. Time seems slow while we’re bored and time seems fast while we’re preoccupied. Time can be a friend or a foe depending on the situation. The clock is only one experience of time. Time allows us to wait. Time let us breath the air around us and time allows us to have a good night sleep.